


Seven swans, six geese, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtledoves, and a partridge in a pear tree (184 birds)

by jamesiee



Series: What's with these freaking birds? (12 Days of Christmas) [5]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Check Please 12 Days of Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Day 5: The 12 Days of Christmas, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 19:34:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8909287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesiee/pseuds/jamesiee
Summary: “Have you ever heard the twelve days of Christmas?” Shitty asked, voice intense. He sounded like he was gearing up for a rant. 
  
  “Yes Shitty, I have ears at Christmas time,” Lardo said. She mentally went through the lyrics as best she could from memory, wondering what could be problematic about the song. 
  
  “What’s with all the freaking birds?” 
  Shitty figures something out about the 12 Days of Christmas Song so he calls Lardo.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So the holidays aren't really celebrated where I live right now and therefore, I'm feeling the opposite of Holiday spirit so I figured maybe if I wrote about Holiday spirit, I'd be able to get in the Holiday spirit. I'm following [omgnotanothercpblog's](http://omgnotanothercpblog.tumblr.com/post/153796265936/coming-soon-check-please-12-days-of-christmas) fic/art fest list.  
> This is unbeta'd so any spelling or grammar mistakes are completely my own. I wrote this one on my phone so there's probably gonna be a lot of them. My [tumblr](http://chocolatechipcookiesplease.tumblr.com%20).

Day Five: The 12 Days of Christmas (like the song. Or not)

Something was off about the nativity scene under the tree and frowning at it didn’t help. Lardo sighed and tweaked the angle of baby Jesus for the fourth time.

Nope, still wrong. Was it missing someone? Lardo counted the figures; Jesus was nestled between Mary and Josephine (Joseph had gotten lost and subsequently replaced. It was an upgrade in Lardo’s opinion), the wise men and gifts were all accounted for, the Angel balanced on the roof of the stable, and the shepherds standing with their animals. But still something was off.

Her phone buzzing interrupted her glaring. Lardo barely looked at the caller ID before swiping to answer the call. She tucked the phone between her shoulder and ear.

“I’m having a crisis Shits,” she answered, switching Mary and Josephine around.

“Bro same!” Shitty replied. “Does yours have anything to do with birds?”

“What? No.” Mary and Josephine went back to their original positions. “I’m trying to set up the nativity scene and nothing looks right.”

“Do you have baby Jay?”

“Yeah.”

“Mary?”

“Yeah.”

“Joseph?”

“Josephine actually.”

“That’s actually the best thing I’ve heard all day,” Shitty laughed.

Lardo laughed at his laugh and stuck a goat figurine up on the roof beside the angel. There. That fixed it. “‘S happening with you bro?”

“Have you ever heard the twelve days of Christmas?”he asked, voice intense. He sounded like he was gearing up for a rant.

“Yes Shitty, I do have ears at Christmas time,” Lardo said. She mentally went through the lyrics as best she could from memory, wondering what could be problematic about the song.

“What’s with all the freaking birds?”

Of anything that Lardo had expected to hear out of Shitty’s mouth, that was not it.

“Huh?”

“The birds Lardo! Why is he giving his true love so many birds?”

“You’ve lost me Shits.” Lardo got up from of the tree to get a snack. If she has to listen to Shitty rant about a Christmas song, about birds no less, she was going to need something. She considered the rum on the island counter that was supposed to go with the eggnog for a beat before bypassing it for her mom’s gingersnap cookies. Missing rum would mean she’d have to go out and get more, and it was cold as balls out there. She jumped up onto the counter while she ate.

“Seven swans, six geese, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtledoves, and a partridge in a pear tree,” Shitty rattled off.

“Uh huh.”

“Six different types of birds mentioned in the song, twenty-three individual birds if you count each numbered bird and that’s not counting repeat gifts.”

“Repeat gifts?” Lardo finished her first pile of cookies and reconsidered the rum as Shitty worked himself up more.

“Yeah, cause he gives the same gifts plus something new each day. He gives her twelve partridges, one for each of the twelve days of Christmas, twenty-two turtledoves, thirty French hens, thirty-six calling birds, forty-two geese, and forty-two swans. One hundred and eighty four birds!”

Lardo paused with a cookie halfway to her mouth. Thankfully Shitty stayed silent while she worked through the math.

“Holy shit, that’s a fuck ton of birds.”

“Thank you!” Shitty cried.

“Like, what do you even do with that many birds?”

“Have dinner?”

“Bro,” Lardo snorted.

“I mean, just think of all the shit,” Shitty continued. “And the noise and the smell.”

“Oh god,” Lardo laughed. “Think of all the artsy photos Jack could take with forty-two geese.”

Shitty belly laughed at that and Lardo felt a sudden ache in her chest that wasn’t from all the cookies she’d eaten.

When Shitty had to get off the phone, citing family time with a roll of his eyes that Lardo could hear from across the city, Lardo swept the cookies crumbs off her lap as best she could. She went back to the living room, still happy with the nativity scene. Lardo switched on the T.V. and found some made for T.V. Christmas special. Getting her sketchbook from the coffee table, she opened to a new page and started drawing golden geese.

About a half hour later, her phone buzzed again, this time just a short burst that indicated a text.

 **Shits:** _I’d get you 185 birds if you’d let Jack photograph the geese_.

Lardo rolled her eyes but was grinning as she typed out a reply.

 **Me:** _ok, but youre in charge of cleaning the shit._

 **Shits:** _:)_

 

* * *

 

 

_ _

**Author's Note:**

> When I started writing for this challenge I thought I needed a snappy series title so I googled "12 days of Christmas jokes" and [this](http://jokes.cc.com/funny-police---military/ol3rpe/the-12-days-of-christmas) link popped up. So this is me explaining my own joke, that I paraphrased from the source like an asshole.
> 
> I'm a lot of days behind but I'm gonna continue posting post Christmas if I don't catch up on writing before then because time is a social construct anyways ;) (and because I hate the idea of having a 12 days of Christmas series without having 12 works in it.)


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